MY TEMBOMBOM WORLD

AMARAN : JIKA TIDAK MAHU BACA LUAHAN PERASAAN SAYA YANG TELAH DIULANG-ULANG BANYAK KALI SILA PERGI KE LAMAN WEB LAIN YANG LEBIH MENARIK SEPERTI GOSSIP ARTIS, YOUTUBE DAN SEBAGAINYA.

ku sangka panas hingga ke petang, rupanya panas di tengah hari

my swing mood come again (T_T)

my chest feels really heavy, i lost my focus, i just feels moody and not motivated at all!

i was really tired yesterday (friday) after 2 weeks continuously classes..so motivation already really dead low!! then,my close cousin was getting married yesterday and the reception was today; so just imagine all the big family gathered together, and we are here far away from home. i felt so lonely and miss the gathering like when i was in malaysia last summer. then, pap!! Adi told me another bad news (for us), our closest friends here are moving to Abu Dhabi immediately!! there are going back to malaysia in two weeks!!

my head already mess with 15,000 (plus another 5000 for 1 more module early Dec)  words learning logs that i need to submit this january, plus i hate my job! i applied a job at Pri*mark but unfortunately no vacancy available now. i dont wanna work anymore because i’m too tired but we need money. i hate uk’s tv esp virg*in tv.. boriiiinngggggg (????)

i wanna cry~~

people say one thing lead to another. this situation (feelings) make me feel that i’m not the same person 2 years ago! i become a boring person, dull, cannot communicate properly with other people, lone ranger. I AM LIVING IN MY SMALL BOX!! i dont have close friends at class like i used to have (eventhough when i were in japan i have a few close japanese friends), because i change my working hours to saturday which is very busy day; i dont have time to talk with other staffs like i used to have a good talk with the older (mostly can be my mum, so they are really gentle n nice, that makes me feels like i have ‘mums’ here) check-outs when I do weekdays hours. although i have a few close friends but somehow me myself put a ‘barrier’ that makes me hard to have ‘deep’ talk and loosen up with them like when i was with my previous close friends from padang tembak to okayama. n i dunno what i’m doing everyday that makes me feels i dont have time to read other people blogs or facebooks or msg/calls anymore, even my parents . maybe some people will say that I make myself become a boring person. i try to become more flexible, try to enjoy my life but sometimes i think too much (i like to drown myself with problems and keep thinking and thinking about them).. right now i’m scared and stress;

i’m scared about i cant do my master properly.

i’m scared that i will let my parents down.

i’m scared that we dont have enough money with my salary less than 1/3 than before. (money..money..money)

i’m scared to think what to do after i finish my course cause i not doing anything to looking for a job yet.

i’m scared that at some stage we have to send elyas back to malaysia because of money and no one can take care of him while we are busy with our studies.

i’m scared that i become very weak and just give up.

i’m stress about doing school works, endless house loads, entertain elyas and Adi, working to support our life.. i am stress!!

tonight i just wanna cry and cry and cry and wish for brighter day tomorrow

tak tau nak tulis apa.. tgh sangap gile.. elyas tido, adi pulak balik dari istanbul esok.. dahlah cepat gelap, kul 4.35 dah magrib.. tv dah lah boring.. dah lah kena buat lagi satu learning log.. aduiii penin2.. pape pun ni utk tok-toks elyas

eiii.. gediknya dengar suara ku gelak!!!